urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns Derek Derek 2006-07-18T03:03:53Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:7038 2006-07-18T03:03:53Z 2006-07-18T03:03:53Z Alright so seths party was tight...had a lot of fun....smoked on the balcony hahah and didnt give lydia any yes!!!!! well there were a lot of people there includin chance :) aww....well anyways sonia went and that was alright she kinda left early i was pissed....seths friends were like sooo into themselves they didnt give much time to the other people there....well then there was this chick zoe from ohio and she didnt know that it was sooo bright in cali.....yaaa damn hippys!!! ...schatzi was there too, kinda seemed like she didnt even wana be there...like it was just a place for her to wait and chill until she was with max...i mean like damn i havent seen u in a while and u leave in 20 mins....well ok thats tight i gues...anyways..the worlds knew and they say it only gets harder and harder now which means u work more and more and have less and less to show for it so i guess im ready big world!!! gotta lay off the stupid bullshit, cant let what people tell me get to me or worry about whos talkin shit behind my back or postin shit because i got my buds and they will look out for me....and its weird because i have been talkin to paul more and more about the whole situation with max and schatzi and he puts it in a good way and its hard to go what someone else tells you esp if you been doing it a certain way your whole life... i mean hes got a point when he says you know who really got him into that group or met people like schatzi...it was through me and all those people....who got him the job at juice it up which we used is where i taught him cash pickups and worked the store for over an hour an a half while he went and got weed or before the football game where we got some guiness in the bottles and drank them at th park over by lydias house on the bridge...who used to find out all these parties for him such as greg simpsons house (ontop of san dimas canyon past the golf course) i did...and alyssa delarochas where we drove home listenin to the last song on an incubus cd only to say bye to me and lock his keys in the car or.....ha that was me and good times...but then with schatzi where she used to get so drunk that throw up yet i never saw her as sloppy only really to help her just like what i did at her party when people where all trashed or stoned...(from my apple and my bud) and i was there for the breakup of her and trev...was there when ryan gave her jacuzzi and RBF house of anahiem...i helped them up and also helped clean up the trash and what not...i was also the only one to say out loud to kick annas ass out after she threw up in her bed... so we have had all these good times and it just had to stop over what so they could be clean and together.....well im happy for them then im just not happy that they seem to change and say i have mostly but really i HAVE stayed the same....the same old pothead and drunken irish....... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:6845 2006-04-03T04:39:36Z 2006-04-03T04:39:36Z I am Derek Needham. I have very little real friends. I am addicted to cigarettes. I am psycholoically addicted to weed. It is the only thing that makes me feel worth anything just because i cant think well when i am on it. I have no girlfriend, but there are girls i like.....but i cant say the same for them liking me. I like listening to sad music to put me in a in more of a depressed mood, because your attidtude rises back up. I do not get along with my dad, but i do get along with my mom. My brother is far away and i never see him. Lately i am on edge and i see everything fucked up. I know i should continue on, but i have been in this feeling of "depression" that hasnt seem to go away for weeks. I go to Damien high school, and i try to get involved with people but am usually ignored. Its hard to see life as happy when everything around me isnt happy. I have more problems then i do solutions. I have my license but no car. I work at pacific where i havent been paid yet but when i do i have a feeling i will spend it all on weed. How do i solve my problems if nobody is here for me...not even my family. Its sad too because i bet people will read this, and feel bad for me and talk to me for 1 night and then next night nothing....but this feeling will still be here.....i have no date to prom so i think i am not going to go..no biggie.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:6401 2006-02-19T07:59:30Z 2006-02-19T07:59:30Z Well what the fuck....sorry to bitch again about my life......it really fucking sucks when all these people tell me about me being such a great guy and how that i will susposidly find someone for me and such. Well why is it when i talk to my parents and theres any idea or words of love they get all weird and act like its all weird for them. I am scared to go home whenever i go out and they always seem to find a "smell" on me that makes them upset. Well my dads coming home from the airport tonight and i was talking to my dad after he got off and he just like told me what he needed too and hung up. It really sucks that people get attacked and when they are the person attacking wants the victim to hit back so its not bad so they hit them more and more. I guess i need to just wait and hope for things to get better right..... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:6381 2006-02-08T05:18:51Z 2006-02-08T05:18:51Z FUCK!!!! why do i always far for the girls i can never have. I guess because i cant have them i want them more. Why do i do this to myself all the time and think about the good times i will have with them. I guess i am just a weirdo, but i cant explain my feelings. I feel as though people find me annoying or i talk to much....i dunno maybe i do, but why do i always think bad upon myself? Why do i always think that some girl will actually wanna be with me tho...... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:5973 2006-01-05T05:02:17Z 2006-01-05T05:02:17Z Well its hard to talk now, and i know i bitch a lot. I just wanted something i wanted to have, and it seems like i cant even have that. Maybe everyone was correct when they told me not to talk to roxie again....but i still went in. She may never know how i feel about her or the image of her if shes not even real. Now she has a bf and i havent seen her ever...but have been talking to her since freshmen year....thats longer then most of my friendships now......i dont know what to do either, and it seems like she ignores me because of her bf. I dont know what to do, except just continue with this hardship and try and recover from it...i also havent been eating much, and smoking more cigs so am i depressed? or just real confused? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:5836 2006-01-03T08:34:19Z 2006-01-03T08:34:19Z Well i finally got my comp back...and now its all rebooted and good stuff, but anyways i havent really written on this and im trying to stay away from myspace so i would post something up in here. Its the new years and well i had to celebrate the new year correctly.....but drinking myself a little too tipsy!! :). I had about 9 shots of Patron Silver, a hand grenade, a glass of champagne, 3 miller lights, and 1 bottle of a mexican "apple juice" i dont remember the name. Wow just from remebering that and writing that...thats a shit load of booze!!!!!...FUCK YAAA!!!!!! GET BAKKKKKED!!!! :)...but anyways i actually didnt feel that bad the next morning, which is a first, so maybe god is telling me something, like get drunk? hehe...but anyways now i guess i go to Fanta Sci a lot and i shouldnt really say that because that place sucks ass because everyones soo involved with bitching at eachother about how they fucked in DOTA....its amazing how a game can go from "oh we gonna win" to "your such an idiot we are going to lose now" lol to well "OMG YOU DID IT!!! we got this!" EY YAI!!! YAI!!!!!....(i think thats correct spelling)...so anyways i am gonna stop writing this because im gonna try to fuck with the IPOD and get some gangsta beats on it, so i will see you guys later urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:5387 2005-12-17T06:59:55Z 2005-12-17T06:59:55Z Well to be honest i wasnt going to write in this, but i saw pauls page and added him and i have free time so fuck you! But anyways i got pauls and schatzis gifts to them...i need to give out the rest....(when i get them :)) anyways King Kong was awesome last night and i just remembered it kinda because theres a story about gay people in china and there was alot of gay people on silver lake drive.....the road to get to where we were going to the movies yesturday....but anyways, i really am in a confused state of mind right now, because people can be stupid. I want to be able to keep things the way they are now...and not deal with the bullshit that is going to happen later on. I want to be able to do shit with my life right now that will get me in a better mood for whats going to happen. Life is short, thats why i wanna write a movie about it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:5315 2005-06-05T23:34:45Z 2005-06-05T23:34:45Z Well i guess now after close to 2 years of talking to Roxie i think its done with. I think this because i want to go see her and she doesnt seem to thrilled to wanna even deal with me. She said she might pick up my calls, so i am guessing she found someone new and now my life is changed forever because i know i will never have her. I dont know all of this for sure but thats how i fee. Could i be insane? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:4912 2005-05-29T16:40:06Z 2005-05-29T16:40:06Z Well yesturday was the day of Desmonds big party. It was pretty chill, because all there was, was cigarettes and music and people. However the brew situation wasnt looking that well because only a few people had brought some because they the rest of people got fucked up before. I knew me and maximus should have gotten some in BP and drove it over, perhaps some 32s of high life :). So then we left desmonds hoping to go to the san dimas one that i heard was susposidly good. It in fact turned out to be next week so we drove back from san dimas to upland to get to joshs house because his car had lost fluid. So then me and max helped him out and gave him a ride to his house about 200 feet down from where we left the car. Then i called my friend Aylssa at like 10:15 and she told me she was having people over. So i went to that and as i walked in, saw my buddy Andrew and Estaban, so i didnt feel too out of the loop. Then i had about 1 cup of cranberry and vodka juice then refilled it with vodka. Then when me and max come back to my house, paul is on his way to my house and thats when we realized max had locked his keys in the car. So all and all this night was crazy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:4657 2005-01-17T09:04:51Z 2005-01-17T09:04:51Z well it was pretty fun at jills. I talked to people to get to know them more. Hung out with becca jill steph paul scarlett ya know the good people. Then fran came and that was tight. We all decided to drink some applejuice too when jill told us not to so i had to just take the blame for it later on which wasnt bad because we were all responsiable enough or at least i was. All and all the night was excellent and i got to know more things about people which is always good. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:4359 2004-12-24T23:06:17Z 2004-12-24T23:06:17Z Alive - Pearl Jam Last night was pretty weird because everytime i went to my living room where my brother was there was like a new person every time. So the max ammount of people was like 5 and they all left at like 3. Well i played glen at madden and i underestimated him and lost. It was a very good game though till the end. Anywho i want to do some shit this week so give me a call or talk to me on AIM because this week has been kinda ehhhh. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:4169 2004-12-22T19:59:33Z 2004-12-22T19:59:33Z Well last night i hung out with paul, sara, erin, heather, becca, shannen, and saras car pool. We had a romantic dinner at Del Taco. We later just hung out in schatzis car and saras listening to music. Then becca sees a fire truck and realizes hey i wannna see in that truck. So then her and paul went in it because the guy was tight. Truck number 97 had to be the best because me of all people got to sit in the trucks driver spot which was happ-ulor (thanks schatzi). Becca looked so hot in the fire helmit and hot in the fire fighter postion. Then schatzi was late and we had to leave. Me and paul just hung out and did random stuff the rest of the night. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:3862 2004-12-19T19:50:25Z 2004-12-19T19:50:25Z Well when some people say that shit gets better it only means till you reach a little bit of happiness then life fucks you over once again. For my close friends i have told this tale but for other people i just cant bring myself to tell people so should i keep it underwraps or just tell the whole world and make me be more ashammed then i already am? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:3613 2004-12-12T20:23:18Z 2004-12-12T20:23:18Z Yelling In My Ear by Operation Ivy Well this weekend i saw the devil. It wasnt all firly and rage, but rather.......me. I came home drunk and i passed out, and the next day i fought and argued with my dad for a good 3 hours. It ended up in him putting his knee on my chest and sufficating me by crushing my lung/tummy so i went to my park where i realized how much it sucks to just live under these ways i am living. I wish i could just get away from it all and just be somewhere else because i cant deal with my parents anymore esp if they gonna say all kids are stupid and not responisble. I guess it doesnt matter to me anymore what happens and what doesnt...... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:3487 2004-09-05T22:48:49Z 2004-09-05T22:48:49Z well i guess according to my ex girlfriend, you can love some1 and within hours not love them at all.....possible? cause i dont think so but i guess it did for her cause she went to a play and hooked up with 2 dudes and she just like imed me basically braggin about how she did....it was stupid cause she later said she did it because of the fact well they have direction in life and i seem to not...bein 16 and all and these guys are the same age...so am i growin up 2 slow or is she just a confused girl who doesnt know what she wants....comment me on what you think urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:3254 2004-09-01T14:01:07Z 2004-09-01T14:01:07Z well last night was totally fuckin weird and such....school has been lots of work and i found out something about one of my exs and like my friend darren said he doesnt know me wtf!?!?! i am fucking DARE-BEAR the guy who gets drunk with trev and listens to anything fast and loves to be happy just chillen with the bros and like i dont feel as though u need to know everything stupid about a person just how they act and what they do....but whatever i will try things his way....i hope i dont end up gay tho ;) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:2975 2004-08-18T20:24:31Z 2004-08-18T20:24:31Z i feel as though the end is near..... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:2753 2004-08-16T18:12:09Z 2004-08-16T18:12:09Z well what can i say i basically had fun at the beach which i thought was gonna be boring....well i met a lot of cool people like mark, brady (whos like me soo much its creepy, only hes good looking :-P), colton, justine (aka shaq cause hes soo fucking tall and big footed >O)deseriree, and this guy nick..other people but that was only like 2 days out of the week so boo to them......well i am glad to be home and not at the beach cause every1 left so i would be there all board an such so fuck that i would rather be here closer to my liz :)......besides the beach hurts if u r laughing at your dad cause its takin him an hour to get in a kayak...LOL! well i am back in my big bed and liz well she woke me up....>O but its all good now i guess urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:2414 2004-08-08T22:19:13Z 2004-08-08T22:19:13Z well i am in carlsbad for about a week now...gay..and i have to spend it with my boring parents and such and my brother gets to stay home and throw parties...how fair huh?...well anywho i am off to it and i will see ya later..and liz i miss ya babe urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:2106 2004-08-06T20:26:49Z 2004-08-06T20:27:21Z well last night me and trev hung out with kim and christy and went swiming...it was alright but i think the dog liked me and trev more then it usually likes people...cause he kept jumpin in the pool and fuckin climbin all over us...so me and trev walked kim home cause she got in trouble then went to have a smoke and kim came back and her dad wasnt home so ya...then paloma came over and we talked then kim left for food and it was weird with paloma cause we dont really talk to her so ya then kim comes home and her and paloma go in...well me and trev walk back and light a fire work off in the street then in this mailbox and explode the mailbox....well we get about a mile down the street and the neighbors come up and they r fuckin fat hicks like about 20 to 30 and like they think they r all powerful so me and trev walk away and they call the cops (fuckin i hate hicks)...and we just left and hung out in this alley cause trev cant get another ticket and we see the fat fuckin hicks drive past us...and we r like freakin out cause if they turned their heads they would see us...so they drive away and we go to our bud james' house and got a ride home WOOT WOOT! FUCKIN HICKS!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:1885 2004-07-24T19:46:12Z 2004-07-24T19:46:12Z well last night me trev and court hung out...but like i was givin trev a ride home and he took a while and i was cravin a smoke...so he gets here and we go to courts and smoke and it was pretty cool considerin the tunes of the night get us chain smokin all night untill 11...well at the end of the night i realized i missed liz and i was tired...10 cigs will do that 2 any1...i got home and was really tired so i went to sleep.....the next mournin liz called and i was super happy but she was callin from a pay fone and we had to get off and i was gonna call her back but it was a private numba so :( but i miss her lotz and i cant wait another week for her to get back >O urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:1629 2004-07-17T20:42:43Z 2004-07-17T20:42:43Z well last night me and trev went to IDZ and hung out..have a few smokes and then got a big bottle of sminoff tripple black..and we had that and it was real refreshing...so i decided to see my girl and i saw her and it was great cause the whole way there we were singin sublime and shit...so then when i saw her in the doorway i decided i had to give her a big hug and it made me feel sooo great and then i gave her a kiss...well we went in and saw her bro and he wasnt 2 big of an ass this time so i guess its good. then we saw her doggie and and it was cute black dog (dont know the name). well like all good things it had to come to an end and i gave her a big kiss good night and a big hug...but when i left i just wanted to go sneak in and just lay with her all night but i couldnt :(....so me and trev walked back to courts and yet again singin of sublimes songs was done by us... and we got to courts and talked to him then went to IDZ and watch arman be stoned so it was great cause hes like not even 5 feet and so hes like talkin....for some reason its HI-larious...so then i came home and watched freddy vs jason and that movie was gay...except for the boobs and the use of herb :) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:1508 2004-07-15T05:29:03Z 2004-07-15T05:29:03Z i saw my lizzy poo...i lover her lotz and i love our relationship and its like soo having a girlfriend but like not bein tied down...i mean i dont always have to be stuck with her and when i am its like sooo perfect...i mean i want her be with her all the time and shit..and i get along with her family and shit so its all good and my bro likes her so its all good...but i went to farmers drunk and shit and well i was stumbling all over the place and i accidently fell on kim and got her white shirt dirty so i was sad...but i hung out and the po rolled by so i was like lets go so we left and i saw liz and hung out with her and just met a lot of cool people and gave lotz of hugs and shit...so today was a good thing urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:1248 2004-07-12T06:02:54Z 2004-07-12T06:02:54Z well we were hangin out and i went in the bar thingy and kinda ran off the stairs and fuckin smacked my head really fuckin hard and like i was like num for like a min and then i got up and i was alright...well at seths i met a lot of people and saw some old friends...like kyle..but i set his hair on fire :( it was an accident and i said i was sorry but i made him laugh a lot and ya..well i came home and called liz cause i missed her and now i am talkin to her on aim so :) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:sublimeowns:829 2004-07-10T01:14:59Z 2004-07-10T01:14:59Z ok so whats up..well i hung out with this guy who makes me feel all warm and fuzzy....well i saw zoolander and it was great..cause i saw it with a cool chick...and i realized there r people more retarded then me :)